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<-October 2002- November 2002 -December 2002->

There's Something I Missed, It's Not On the List

Hmm.. forgot to update that site most of October. Well, I didn't forget, I was thinking about it - I just didn't do anything. So here it is November and I'm updating the site now. Nothing to add really - just that I'm now doing something that'll assure I have no free time this month. I'm writing a 50,000 word novel. Short for a novel as it is, that's still a bit of writing for 30 days. Check out NaNoWriMo Org (links to the left). I like it, it's insane and even a good way to meet other writers. There are several in the Denver area actually and the NaNoWriMo boards have a discussion about some Denver area writers meeting at a Village Idiot (er, Inn) around town. Sounds cool to me. I've taken the opportunity to move away from the usual Cyberpunk and SciFi writing I tend to do and go with bad fantasy. Well, maybe even good fantasy. Hell, I'm taking it as an excuse to write that great fantasy epic we all know we want to write. Really. Tolkein move over, I'm the next man on the block in the genre of Elves and Dwarves and all that stuff. Booya.
Ok, so I need a head check, I'm still doing it. I'm also trying to get some RPG stuff up onto my site - you know like characters and campaigns and stuff that I'm into. Eventually that'll all get on the site. Really. Mostly because I'm the one claiming to be a writer in my current group and haven't done squat as far as synopsis for the games. I'm such a slacker.
Onto more serious stuff. I live my life very much in the "Now" of things. I run into trouble with long term plans in that I either purposely or accidently sabotage them as my subconcious panics and runs amok. It can be a hinderence and I'm just now getting into the idea that long term isn't set in concrete and it won't kill me to think a few years or decades down the road. Or come close. It's a difficult proccess changing my thought from "Only Today" to "Tomorrow Too". But I'm dealing. What I don't get, however, is the constant harping on past events that people do. Drowing themselves in a sea of "Could have been" ; "Might have" ; "What if this had" type statements. Wringing themselves dry with a percieved sense of remorse and moral conflict. I say, "NEVER BE ASHAMED OF PAST ACTIONS". You had a reason at the time for acting as you did. Don't show remorse. Hindsight is always 20/20 or better, it's natural to look back at the maze you just finished and go, "Oh, there was a faster way." But then you move on quickly - as in you should have moved on before finishing the previous statement. The point of looking back is so we don't repeat mistakes - it's called A Learning Experience. Don't go all Martyr on everyone and wallow in a puddle of sorrow feeling bad about hurting something for fucking something up. Just get up, repair the damage by taking different actions. I'm so SICK AND TIRED OF THE WORDS I'M SORRY!! Don't say it, DO IT. If you said something that hurt someone then just don't do that again, make it clear you won't do that again. You can say, "I didn't mean to cause this.. I just had bad information, or no information or misinformation or just didn't plain think." And then the next time you're given a chance to act stop and go, "Wait, have I got all the facts or just what person A told me, Damn. Better go talk to person B before I do something stupid or regretful or whatever." It'll make life easier. I've always said, "No Remorse." And I don't have any. If I hurt you at the time I had reasons, I had a perception of the facts that wasn't complete, I had a different outcome in mind I had any number things on hand but the method to make it all cookies and milk. And next time I'll make sure I bring the cookies if you bring the milk and we'll all get along much better. Really.
That didn't make any sense did it? I'm going back to writing now.

Yeah I know where there's fun to be had

It only takes a second to end everything you know.
One second sitting in your doctors office and they come in and say they need to tale some more blood tests - that's when paranoia creeps, and everything ends.
One second you're sitting in that doctors office three weeks later and are told you have a fatal illness, and everything ends.
One second you're in your car driving whereever and then you're a mass of flesh, bone and crushed metal and plastic, and everything ends.
One second you're in your fast food restaurant of choice and someone who has everything end on them has decided to get back at everything that lied to him but only has random strangers to shoot at guns the place down, and everything ends.
One second you're walking down the street in the winter and slip on ice and shatter your pelvis and will limp for the remainder of your life, everything ends.
One second you're sitting on your couch shoving popcorn into your mouth washing it down with the carbonated beverage of your choice laughing and pointing at a screen where someone ele's tragedy is amusing you and your heart jumps then stops, everything ends.
One second I'm sitting here thinking about all that was and will be and realize I'm sitting on my toilet with my legs falling asleep thinking about what I'm going to do with my life and I flush and everything ends - So I Think I'll Start Again With Something Else I Can End Later
Everything Ends in a single second.
People want places to put their cute little thoughts on life down and make sure people listen just in case it might be important or save a life or change a life or uplift a soul or break a heart. Whatever, this is my space for cute little thoughts expounding on life and all that other stuff that's so important to us before it all just ends.
Neat huh?